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Who should you have sex with?

The basics of the linked article* is this: who you want to have sex with is racist, transphobic, abelist, and whatever other word spell check doesn’t recognize as a word if you refuse people who fall into those categories. If you don’t find transgender women attractive, you’re a bad person. The article asks the question, “does anyone have a right to sex?” The answer should be an obvious and resounding “NO”. Even a husband or wife has no right to the sex of their partner. It is negotiated.

“When we see consent as the sole constraint on OK sex, we are pushed towards a naturalisation of sexual preference in which the rape fantasy becomes a primordial rather than a political fact. But not only the rape fantasy. Consider the supreme f*%kability of ‘hot blonde sluts’ and East Asian women, the comparative unf*%kability of black women and Asian men, the fetishisation and fear of black male sexuality, the sexual disgust expressed towards disabled, trans and fat bodies. These too are political facts, which a truly intersectional feminism should demand that we take seriously. But the sex-positive gaze, unmoored from Willis’s call to ambivalence, threatens to neutralise these facts, treating them as pre-political givens. In other words, the sex-positive gaze risks covering not only for misogyny, but for racism, ableism, transphobia, and every other oppressive system that makes its way into the bedroom through the seemingly innocuous mechanism of ‘personal preference’.”

male actor playing a trans woman

The author goes on to quote utopian socialist Charles Fourier who proposed that in utopia there would be a sexual minimum that each person would get, kind of like a universal basic income of sex. Of course, just like UBI has to be taken from someone before it can be given to someone else so must sex. It’s a Brave New World.

The author is careful it seems not to say people should be forced to have sex with people they don’t find attractive but does everything in her power to hint that anyone who refuses is a really bad person. It’s authoritarian, she says, to think about forcing the issue, but hey, we should really not not have sex with people we don’t find attractive.

“But the fact is that our sexual preferences can and do alter, sometimes under the operation of our own wills – not automatically, but not impossibly either. ”

Sexual preference is very personal. Each person likes what they like and quite frankly don’t even know why they like it, they just do. It’s sometimes reasoned that on a genetic level our genes kind of have a way of just knowing who they will best blend with. I don’t know if this is true or if a more romantic notion of love at first sight is to blame, but I do know I am a very heterosexual platypus and I wouldn’t have sex with someone who has, or once had, a penis.

You don't need a uterus to be a woman

“The difficulties I have been discussing are currently posed in the most vexed form within feminism by the experience of trans women. Trans women often face sexual exclusion from lesbian cis women who at the same time claim to take them seriously as women.”

Yes, I understand, that must be difficult for those people who think they are a women, go through a lot of surgery to “be who they are” only to find that men don’t see them the same way they see themselves. That happens to the best of us. Take me for example, I’m gorgeous!

Source of inspiration below:

*If you don’t like the f-word don’t click through on this article.

There is no entitlement to sex, and everyone is entitled to want what they want, but personal preferences – NO DICKS, NO FEMS, NO FATS, NO BLACKS, NO ARABS, NO RICE NO SPICE, MASC-FOR-MASC – are never just personal.

Source: Amia Srinivasan · Does anyone have the right to sex? · LRB 22 March 2018

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