The below linked editorial is headlined, “As A Queer Woman, I Can’t Afford To Be Ambivalent About Motherhood”.
Well, I disagree.
As a queer woman you actually can afford to be ambivalent about motherhood. If homosexuality is something someone is born with, that is. If that is the case then it’s a biological matter that has made a woman not be sexually attracted to the male of her species. It seems to me, and this is just my theory, that would be evolution way of saying, don’t mate. When we talk about “the strong survive” what we mean really is that the well adapted mate and produce offspring. Someone not interested in the process of getting “offsprung” (as it were) doesn’t stand a very good chance of being the strong that survive in that evolutionary stand point.
An island with nothing but men on it, will die out. A group of men could crash on an island and produce a great culture in 40 years with art, architecture, and science. But if there are no women, that culture, those men, die out when their natural lives expend themselves. Likely, if those men are heterosexual men they will try to leave that island to find the female of the species and bring her back or create a second culture with her elsewhere. But a group who has no drive to mate with the people nature has evolved you to mate with – what would they do? Human intellect can overcome that problem by choosing to mate or in our modern world choosing a scientific means. But I don’t put stock in that in terms of our species. One great cataclysm and all that science is gone.
That said, I’m not sure the author of this piece fits into that category of someone who was born a certain way. “But then,” she writes, “when I was 28, I decided to stop (barely) dating men, and start dating women. Somehow, finally, I realized I had a choice in what had largely, until that point, felt uncomfortable, and compulsory. I realized I did not have to become the person even I expected myself to be. I could, instead, be the person I wanted to be.” But nature seems to think otherwise and babies are on her mind.
My ambivalence toward having a baby is not uncommon, judging from a spate of new motherhood books this year — but as a gay woman, I won’t be able to have one without wanting one desperately and consistently.